Love at first sight... the first time I saw my handyman, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. OK, I was 18 at the time, so I probably thought he was 'H-O-T-T, hot!'. (Because they're that much hotter when you add and capitalize the second 'T'. Or was that in junior high? It all blends together.) Anyway, those big blue eyes and that dark hair, tall, broad, and lets not even get started on his uncanny ability to grow a full beard in under a minute! Here he is back in the day (such a fresh-faced young fella!):
Excuse the poor quality, I am getting SO old that I do not have digital copies of these images. I had to take a photo of a photo.
Same with our first home. It had hard wood floors, built-in cabinets, and, oh! The arched doorways! So full of character and potential. It also had stinky carpet, linoleum, a gross bathroom, a mildewy mildly finished basement, holes in walls, dead animals in the vents, a yard suited for wild dogs only, the list goes on. When we bought this house we were naïve young newlyweds. We (or maybe, just I) thought we would get all of our fixing up finished in the first year or so. Then we would spend the next ten years enjoying the fruits of our labor and falling even more deeply in love with each other forever after (insert Disney fairytale music here). When we grew out of the house; we would sell it for a fair, but profitable, price and make oodles of cash for our next
fixer-upper.
I am more deeply in love with my handyman, but the rest of the process was not quite as quick and painless as I originally anticipated. Six years have passed and it was only around year five that we finally finished. Oh, naïve young Meredith! If only I could go back in time and explain to you about full-time jobs, mortgage payments, budgets, the cost of "cosmetic updates", and that even putting up a fence does not happen over one weekend! I have a small tendency towards over-ambition and under-estimation of the time and money it takes to complete a project. TVS (not a real syndrome) causes me to focus only on the feeling that I want it done. Alright, lets throw in exaggeration too, because if I'm being honest, it is not a small tendency.
That's why I started this blog. The last six years have been a journey. Our home is a totally different house than when we first purchased it. But I also feel like I'm a different person too... I've grown and matured. I've learned more about my husband, and our relationship has developed into something quite different than when we were newlyweds. Our family has grown by leaps and bounds, and I have a totally new role to fulfill. Call it sentimental, but as we move on from this home, I don't want to forget all the growing that happened here.
I am realizing that I am a lot like this old house. It's still the same structure and address. I'm still me. But someone has now put an awful lot of effort into making this home more functional and beautiful, more complete and perfect. I know God has gracefully done the same for me! (James 1:4) We had to remove a bundle of ugliness from this place. But once removed, what remained was the character, functionality, and true purpose the builder originally fabricated it for. God's already removed a heaping bundle of ugliness from me, in order that I may fulfill the plan and purpose He created me for. I know it's not a popular thing to say. A lot of people think God should just be loving, accept us for who we are, and let us do our own thing. I am thankful for the holy, faithful, and purposeful God who is willing not to see past my flaws, but to cover them in love
(Lam. 3:22-23) and new mercies every morning!
I am a work in progress. That's the journey I will be on every day for the rest of my life. A journey, or really a constant cycle, of my decay and His loving mercy; my despair and repentance and God's forgiveness and restoration; my purposeful walking and God's graceful leading. We are all in a constant state of movement. Some forward, some backward. It's impossible to stand still in this life. Hopefully I'm moving forward, or really, UPward towards Christ. I don't think that upward movement is possible unless I first remember where I once was. Who and where I was when God rescued me. It's human nature to forget and to lose sight of these things. God was well aware of our forgetful tendencies- the Old Testament is full of God's calls to Israel to remember. (Click here to see the 234 results for the word search. One of my favorites is Deut. 5:15), and Jesus set up communion so that we would regularly take it in REMEMBRANCE of Him.
If I never looked back on the before pictures of our house, I would forget it's original, offensive ugliness and even who it was that fixed up this house into what it is today. Same for my spiritual life. I need to remember the "mighty hand" and "outstretched arm" of God towards someone unworthy as me. Here's hoping my transformation is even more dramatic than this old fixer-upper home.
fixer-upper.
I am more deeply in love with my handyman, but the rest of the process was not quite as quick and painless as I originally anticipated. Six years have passed and it was only around year five that we finally finished. Oh, naïve young Meredith! If only I could go back in time and explain to you about full-time jobs, mortgage payments, budgets, the cost of "cosmetic updates", and that even putting up a fence does not happen over one weekend! I have a small tendency towards over-ambition and under-estimation of the time and money it takes to complete a project. TVS (not a real syndrome) causes me to focus only on the feeling that I want it done. Alright, lets throw in exaggeration too, because if I'm being honest, it is not a small tendency.
That's why I started this blog. The last six years have been a journey. Our home is a totally different house than when we first purchased it. But I also feel like I'm a different person too... I've grown and matured. I've learned more about my husband, and our relationship has developed into something quite different than when we were newlyweds. Our family has grown by leaps and bounds, and I have a totally new role to fulfill. Call it sentimental, but as we move on from this home, I don't want to forget all the growing that happened here.
I am realizing that I am a lot like this old house. It's still the same structure and address. I'm still me. But someone has now put an awful lot of effort into making this home more functional and beautiful, more complete and perfect. I know God has gracefully done the same for me! (James 1:4) We had to remove a bundle of ugliness from this place. But once removed, what remained was the character, functionality, and true purpose the builder originally fabricated it for. God's already removed a heaping bundle of ugliness from me, in order that I may fulfill the plan and purpose He created me for. I know it's not a popular thing to say. A lot of people think God should just be loving, accept us for who we are, and let us do our own thing. I am thankful for the holy, faithful, and purposeful God who is willing not to see past my flaws, but to cover them in love
(Lam. 3:22-23) and new mercies every morning!
I am a work in progress. That's the journey I will be on every day for the rest of my life. A journey, or really a constant cycle, of my decay and His loving mercy; my despair and repentance and God's forgiveness and restoration; my purposeful walking and God's graceful leading. We are all in a constant state of movement. Some forward, some backward. It's impossible to stand still in this life. Hopefully I'm moving forward, or really, UPward towards Christ. I don't think that upward movement is possible unless I first remember where I once was. Who and where I was when God rescued me. It's human nature to forget and to lose sight of these things. God was well aware of our forgetful tendencies- the Old Testament is full of God's calls to Israel to remember. (Click here to see the 234 results for the word search. One of my favorites is Deut. 5:15), and Jesus set up communion so that we would regularly take it in REMEMBRANCE of Him.
If I never looked back on the before pictures of our house, I would forget it's original, offensive ugliness and even who it was that fixed up this house into what it is today. Same for my spiritual life. I need to remember the "mighty hand" and "outstretched arm" of God towards someone unworthy as me. Here's hoping my transformation is even more dramatic than this old fixer-upper home.